2019 Bumps In The Road

Unemployment Diaries: Oct 1, 2 Months of Expenses, More Let Downs, and Aunty MERJ update

It’s October can you believe it?! Where has the year gone. For anyone else on the job-hustle-train, you have now officially missed the cutoff to get a bonus next year (2020) at your next employer.

This last weekend was such a wallet buster given I only had about $80 to spend for the last 3 weeks of September, so I was quite motivated to see just how much I dumped into the consumer machine in the last 4 or 5 days alone. That means an expense update for the single (and now unemployed) girl! I included the 2 months prior as comparison.


2019 Jun Jul Aug Sep
Everyday $261 $728 $332 $197
Housing $995 $34 $995 $1,038
Student Loan $570 $529 $0 $0
Extras/Other $557 $455 -$415 $104
Gifting/Aunty MERJ $0 $0 $182 $516
Total $2,383 $1,746 $1,094 $1,521

Notes on expenses while unemployed (Aug, Sep)

Aug 2019

Everyday Expenses ($332) includes Groceries ($122) and Restaurants ($57) and gas and other incidental expenses.  Nothing too outstanding there. I was home more so I likely bought more convenience foods. And I rented a few movies.

My Student Loan is on hold.

For Extras (-$415), I cashed a reimbursement check from the interview in Chicago.

Gifting/Aunty MERJ ($182) is from $100 when her account went into overdraft. My name is on it; I mostly regret that decision. The rest is from a flight I booked but didn’t take. She was sounding so pitiful and I fell for it. Then regretted it.

Sep 2019

Included in Everyday Expenses was Groceries ($67) which was pretty low. I think I just fried a bunch of things. And fried things are cheap. Restaurants ($57) was also low.

And the numbers we’ve all been waiting for…

Well misleading but Extras (-$104) actually includes $234 in jobbing related expenses for my interview in NJ yesterday.  Plus 20 hours in the car + 6 Ibuprofen worth of pain.

Gifting/Aunty MERJ ($516) is all related to Aunty MERJ. It includes two trips to Tampa which is flights, Ubers, and airport parking. As well as errands and food.  And what’s the price of endless frustration.

Most Recent Let Down(s)

The biggest one that has left me so discouraged and led to a blog post to release some angst is the onsite interview I had at Big Pharma in NJ. So many things. It all started off …well..I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling in that sinkhole so I’ll just copy and paste my notes from my spreadsheet…

Status update:
Candidate Applied- 01Sep2019 > Under Review-03Sep2019; 9/10 e/m for HR phone screen; phone screen 9/12> Under Review-12Sep2019; 9/12 I emailed to let know of other opportunity; 9/19 they email to schedule onsite!! > 9/25 tentative schedule > onsite > 9/30…bleh; didn’t like being redirected, otherwise ok.; online status: interviewing 30Sep2019

On the escorted walk out, one of the schedulers let it slip that I’d hear back yesterday (Monday). It’s Tuesday after 5p. Womp, womp. No one I know waits too long to tell you good news. I know well wishers will say wait a week or two, but everyone I know across several professions has heard back within a day or two at least with a verbal offer. That’s certainly been the case for me for every job I’ve had.

I know I can do these jobs, but I get so rattled when I get an unexpected question. And there’s always one. I had 48 pages of prep notes (30 pages were my presentation) and if something even simple gets asked… I just lose my mind. I black out and halfway through my response I’ve forgotten the question. I gave up on this interview after the first question around 10a… and I wasn’t scheduled to be done until 2p.

My latest question is do I keep suffering “for practice” or will I find strength in leaving an interview early. Will I regain some of the control I lose at the end of each of these? Or should I stop taking day-long and half-day long interviews altogether?

My running tally if you’re counting…

Since Jul 2019, I’ve applied to 118 jobs (not including duplicate openings). Of those, I’ve had callbacks for 17. Of those, I’ve had 4 on-site interviews and one offer.

Since Jan 2019, I would estimate (because I wasn’t keeping tally), I’ve applied at at least 150 jobs; had callbacks on 19 (two because they were related to my last employer). And for YTD, I’ve had a total of 6 onsite interviews. And still just the one offer with my last employer’s direct competitor. It’s basically all the things I didn’t like about my last job + none of the things I did like. I start Monday.


So two Mondays ago she had a small stroke. One Tuesday ago, she had a mild heart attack. Yesterday she was discharged. Given her comorbidity with dialysis initiation about a month ago, I figure she either has 10 more years (dialysis prognosis) or could have an event incompatible with life any day now. So there’s that.

Thursday as I’m in the ICU with her, I get the email that oh, you have to prep this presentation and oh, there will be a writing assessment.


So I’m watching Outdaughtered and one of the three year olds cries on stage and shuts down when she’s put on the spot. Her parents say she has a little bit of anxiety and took her to an occupational therapist. I feel like…am I her except 35? I just hate being asked direct questions or any type of oral assessment or any type of unexpected question. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

Not getting these jobs makes me wonder if I even want them. I mean I don’t want to work, but if I have to, I’d rather be making more money to stop doing it faster. That’s ultimately where I end up and I keep applying.

The prep work is what I do to help me combat the unknowns; maybe it’s helping in that I’d be worse off had I not done it. But when I can’t even recall my prepped answers or feel too scared/ unempowered to even look at my own notes, then what good is it? And why can’t I stick up for myself? Like… is someone who’s talking to me this way really then going to hire me? So why not regain control of the situation?

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