At 9a this morning I slowly started to lose my mind. So I went on a walk for about 15 minutes around my apartment complex. Came back. Realized nothing had changed. Decided to open a checking account.
Shakes head. Non-sequitur, I know.
How did I get to this moment?
Well I’m kind of stuck in the in-between right now.
I’m stuck between taking a true sabbatical and not worrying about what happens for the next six months AND actively seeking employment.
I told myself to stop applying after Jul 4 to prevent this very thing from happening. Then last week I couldn’t help myself. I started applying some more just to make sure I had options in case the sabbatical didn’t stick. Honestly, I also thought I’d get that job in Chicago.
I’m trying not to check email every 5 seconds. It’s not working.
My lease is up for renewal. I have this same minor-major crisis every lease renewal. I don’t know why my brain tricks me into thinking a lease is oh-so permanent and irreversible. It’s not as though if I had to leave, I couldn’t… I could …just with a lot of hassle and fees. I think I’m just tired of hassle (and fees). And Brain wants to avoid it whenever possible. But alas, every lease renewal I have this mental upheaval as if the end of a lease term marks a pivot point. I think this just speaks to a long simmering desire to leave NC… but to go where?
- On Tuesday, submit notice to vacate. Start more seriously applying EVERYWHERE using all the tricks. Could theoretically find SOMETHING by Oct 6. Either way, leave apartment Oct 6. Move closer to new job. OR… Move in with my aunt in Maryland and pay $500/mon until I find a job. OR… If job is in RTP, see if I can stay in my apartment?
- 1b. On Tuesday, submit notice to vacate. Take 2 month sabbatical. Take 1 week to pack up and move. Leave apartment Oct 6. Move in with my aunt in Maryland and pay $500/mon until I find a job.
- 1c. If I’m going to take ANYTHING, then why did I quit my job?
- Renew lease for 6 months – giving me 6 month sabbatical and two months to look for a job. Pay $1100/mon in housing costs. <<That’s the part that stings.
- On Tuesday, submit notice to vacate. Begin preparations for move to Spain.
Oh, I’m also stuck between starting over and staying the course. I want to start over. I just don’t know doing what or where. And to make it even more interesting, I’ve been in the process of changing my name (since 2017). As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I applied for a few jobs in my new name. I had such a tough time renting a car in Chicago in the midst of my name change, I decided to get a credit card. That decision sounds definitive now, but it was a lot of mental distress. I’ve been avoiding credit card use since my identity theft hassle. So having an open unattended card was giving me flashbacks. After a couple of false starts, we (me and my new self) decided to add my new identity as an authorized user to the card I opened recently to travel hack Canada.
Then Brain said open a checking account, just in case you do start over. You’ll need something for direct deposit. Thinking big much? And for the onsite interview I did go on, they reimbursed my travel expenses in the form of a check, so I had to figure out a way to cash or deposit that check. Looking for any decision to make and to get out of the house, I mistakenly found a bank that had free checking that didn’t require direct deposit. Note – my attempts at opening free checking accounts with online banks have been a fail (I’m looking at you Ally, Simple, Axos).
In the way back, I’m still stringing Spain along. I think if it weren’t for the hoops I have to jump through (background check, medical clearance, visa, packing up and moving, figuring out what to do with my car for a year) that include driving to DC twice, I think Spain would be a better option. I wish I could just make up my mind closer to when it was time to leave (i.e. Oct). But because I need that visa, Spain is just a complication. But alas, I still haven’t told them I’m not going. Because…who knows.