I have been unemployed for 5 weeks now, and my life plan changes by the moment. One minute, I’m fixing my mindset for a pre-planned sabbatical. The next I’m ruminating about why no one chooses me for a job. Then I’m forcing myself to be grateful that I’m making some progress on some applications.
Each time I move forward with one company, I mentally start a new life. If it’s here in NC, I imagine myself trying to stay very busy and getting out of this four-walled prison that is my studio apartment.
When my inbox is void of any emails of progress in the application process, I dive into a tail-spin questioning my existence and self-worth. Which generally leads to submission of more applications.
If an out of state job emails me back, I’m filled with fleeting delight. I mull over my cost of living spreadsheet. I check out apartments. I spend hours revising my repository of interview questions and answers. I get nervous; I get excited; I get anxious. To mellow out, I put on a mask of dejection and position myself at the finish line without the job. And with that mindset, the prophecy is self-fulfilled.
After a failed interview, I tell myself the interviewers are the problem with their circular questions and expected coiffed answers. I know what I’m supposed to say, but I can’t get my mouth to cooperate. I actually don’t want to work here but I have to work somewhere to stay out of the poor house. I left my last job because it was making me crazy. I don’t dwell on my weaknesses. My five year plan is not to work ever again.
Update on Job Applications:
Against my own self-imposed ban, I applied for 7 more jobs already this week. I also received 2 emails for phone screens this week; one was Wednesday and the other Friday. After the Wednesday screen, I was verbally offered an onsite that has yet to be scheduled.
For the most part, while my applying has decreased from 14 my first week to 7 this week, I have been unsuccessful in trying to stop obsessing about my next job. I’m still searching, albeit only 2 days this week vs 7 days in past weeks. And I’m still obsessing even if I’m not online. Because of this, I’m leaning toward just going back to work sooner rather than later; not transitioning to a default sabbatical as I’d hoped; and just forging full steam ahead to FIRE over the next five years. Thoughts?