Here we are at week 3. So much to say, yet so little. Namely because what I have to say is not new.
Everyday is a battle to get to work. On the ride to work, I’m thinking of how and when to quit. My mind is on a continuous loop of all the things I don’t like. And all the left choices I made to get to this point. By the time I finish the day, I think well another day, another dollar.
Basically what stops me from doing anything drastic is remembering I don’t really have anything else I’d rather be doing. I think once I start getting rude callers, I’ll be more inspired to make a change. Since I’m just in training, once I get to work, it’s easy just to stay.
Mostly what keeps me up at night is recalling the bad behavior I experienced throughout out my, now at least, 200 applications this year. I thought the worst that would happen would be not hearing back. No. The worst is being invited; getting your hopes up; prepping; being treated poorly; and still trying, as the applicant, to be on your best behavior (read: not speaking up for yourself). I still struggle with not speaking up for myself.
I’ve lost track a little of what I even wanted out of this endeavor because at this point it just feels like an incomplete task. At the very least, I think I wanted to make more money and get off the phones. In my new job, I make less money and am still on the phones, now with drug addicts. Yippee.
So, God, in case you do give me what I must have asked for at some point, here’s how I’ll know you answered. For my next job, I would like:
- Earn enough to save $500k in 4 years or less (i.e FIRE in 4 years)
- Flow (skill = challenge)
- Cool town (undefined, but near nature? and not in NC?)
- Cool people (where I can exist without explanation)
Speaking of God, the girl next to me shared some of her job struggles and she has 10 more years of experience in our field than I do. Funnily, I thought she would perform better in the job hustle. She seems to have herself together; is married with child (so shared experiences); didn’t seem like she would freeze on the spot; more varied work experiences to draw from; an ethnic name that I thought some recruiters/hiring managers prefer (but she does have an accent). I’d love to say that just goes to show you never know. But that’s not true in this instance. She thinks it’s favor (as in God’s favor) that causes some people to get to where they’re going with fewer obstacles. I call it discrimination, and I’m sure those who benefit from bias call it earned. Yes, Becky, Priya, and Phuong, we can see your LinkedIn profile, you definitely earned it!
On an uplifting note, it occurred to me that as much as I’ve been lamenting about Call Center 2, were it not for this job, I would be facing yet another angst-ridden month of rejection and unemployment. Cheers!