Welcome back to My Early Retirement Journey. In case you’re just joining us, here’s a little bit about me. I am a single 30-something, openly Christian, hesitantly immigrant-y, human woman. I enjoy watching TV while eating takeout, and I want to retire early. I currently work as a consultant in a tele-health call center making around $40/hr. I started my professional life in 2015 at the ripe ole age of 31 after a few false starts. I spent 2016 paying off about $10,000 worth of credit card debt. I spent 2017 paying off about $20,000 in private student loans; I still have about $300,000 in federal student loans for which I am currently on an income-based repayment plan for the next 25 years, give or take. I started really getting into savings and investing late 2017 when I stumbled upon the FIRE (financial independence, retire early) community. In 2018, I made the decision to try to save for a sabbatical and maybe if all goes well continue the journey to early retirement. Along this journey, I give weekly more personal than finance updates just like this one. Come along with me, I urge you!
Monday – Headache as soon as woke up. Dreams of being rich and silver spoon fed. Maybe my dream is to just live a year without worrying about work or money. Is that ok? Haven’t even had a chance to try out my new name. Looked up Japan again, maybe the JET program. But apparently there’s a lot of mold in Japan. Island weather?
Lightbulb moment: Duh! My big dream is to do nothing! Why has it taken me so long to say that. I felt like a failure. I felt bad that I didn’t have this beautiful family and beautiful house to spend time with and in if I were to quit work. I had to justify my own dream.
No, ma’m. My dream is to live a lackadaisical existence! To move and groove on my own time with my own dime. I spent so much of my youth having to be helpful so someone would keep me and take care of me.
From where I stand, there isn’t some higher purpose for my life at this moment. I feel no real calling on my life. Or if it’s there maybe I’m ignoring it? See there I go again.
I felt like a failure. I felt a little crazy like there was something wrong with me. I thought I needed to be committed for mental illness because I don’t want to do anything or help anyone. But I’m fine! This is what I have always wanted, much the way people say about motherhood or parenthood. NO, REALLY. THIS IS ALL I’VE WANTED.
Tuesday – My NEW life plan makes me smile. Makes me giddy. Makes me walk with a skip in my step! I really think I’m going to do it. Part of me kind of wants an audience, so I might document it. Just for all the aimless wanderers out there – there is a space for you too. After close to 35 years of searching for a purpose and searching for meaning without success, I’m just going to give up the ghost. I can die later (that’s always Plan E right?), but for a year I can be worry free.
No, I’m not quitting to work on my novel or turn this blog into a profit machine. No, I’m not quitting to meditate and eat veggies and go to church and do mission work or build a school. Nope. I mean those things might be nice. But I’m not doing that. I’m living my aimless purposeless existence. I’m embracing my life more ordinary. I’m tired of feeling bad about it and doing nothing. Now I’m doing nothing and feeling good. Rocket science right? I googled all the things. And skimmed all the Bible passages. I’ve come up empty, world. Empty! The mini summits I had with my honest friends all lead to the same thing – no one (we know anyway) is really doing anything with their lives. People assign their own meaning to their life. The typical case is work, kids, and family. Ok, and if you don’t have those things or those things don’t add value to your life, then what? Nothing! Literally. I have yet to combust and die because while work serves a financial purpose (of which I am grateful), it and kids and family don’t get me out of bed in the morning.
Like, why did I need permission to live my own life. The theme is central -we all have this one life, but it was as though I was standing on the sidelines for someone to tag me in. I realized three years ago that I was a side kick in my own life and I sought to change that. When I realized I didn’t get far down that road, I felt like a failure.
But maybe I’m not. The languid lifestyle is the life for me.
I’m not depressed. I’m not suicidal! I’m not broken or hopeless (but if you are, seek help, there are numbers for you to call). There’s nothing wrong with me. I celebrate my truth that I enjoy doing nothing.
I’m not any more aimless than those living pre-fab lives.
I watch House Hunters nightly and so many want so badly for their houses to be interesting, full of character, but is that because of the bland pre-fabness of everyday life.
I’m not any more or less original then, I guess.
Wednesday – Been waking up so happy this week. And a bit productive too. Made single girl crockpot chili last night. Well I prepped it and put it in the crockpot this morning so I can come home to a nice warm bowl of chili on a breezy Halloween evening. I heart October in North Carolina! Got lots of candy and some things to watch tonight.
Thursday – Aunty MERJ having hearth catheterization +/- a stent placed. She withdrew all the money out of her account earlier this week. There is about $14 left. There goes my plans of paying myself back the four or five months of rent I had fronted. Oh well. It took five months of me helping her out to save about $1400 in her account and she withdrew $1200 in one month. Maybe she thought she was dying. Who can say.
Weird feelings at work. I hope nothing comes of it. Approached again about taking more of a leadership role for same pay. I don’t mind the work if I thought it would lead to more pay, but it doesn’t at least not right away. And I’d be working with part of the leadership team I don’t particularly care for (so much drama, fan fare and attention-seeking behavior #notaboutthatlife). Lots of married women who are used to having something to say to someone about everything! Everything! All. Day. Overall not taking on more responsibility probably seems a little short sighted from the outside looking in, but I’m cautious lately with my emotional state. I really need to churn out my love-hate post about my job. Hate is a strong word. I don’t hate my job.
New life motto: If it makes your life easier or simpler, say yes.
Friday – I’m so glad you’re here. Why is it so hard to be a human?! This week was actually not that bad. Praise the Lord I am here to talk about it. My inner demons haunt me.
And this blogging thing. Sucks up my time and energy. But when I try blogging daily, Brain says do it weekly. When I try weekly, Brain says do it monthly. When I try to take a break, I have now been checking blog email and blog site before and after work; posting and commenting; and checking blog during the day. The only thing I’m not doing is engaging in FB and Twitter and Pinterest. I had planned to take some time off since late October. But I just found different things to do; example I spent over an hour the other day just playing with the wording in my About Me blurb (below).
Made crockpot chili earlier this week. It’s pretty mediocre. And I was so excited and proud of myself for making it. That’s all folks!
TV this week: Sierra Burgess is a Loser, Very Cavallari
Takeout this week: $9 Peruvian
How was your week? What did you do? See? Feel? Think? Decide? How’s your life journey in general?