Dear Future Me,
The pressure of not posting anything in January is keeping me up at night. So I decided to at least crank out five sentences while I determine what the heck I want to do with this blog and my life in general.
Work this week was pretty chill. It ended Friday with a little girl drama. Sometimes to make other people feel better I self-deprecate. It worked so well in high school. But people believe the things I say about myself and try to reassure me. And it makes me mad. I don’t feel bad about myself, I don’t need you to try to make me feel better. Then Sneak 1 made some comments that I didn’t appreciate. All I want to say is leave me alone and go mind your own business.
Some minor Facebook drama the last time I was on. I don’t even want to be on Facebook, only signed up to share my blog. Then I started to like hanging out in the groups. Then something I posted got a slap on the wrist because it wasn’t related to personal finance. I think I might leave that group. It’s unnecessary drama and I’m not much of a conflict mediator. I’m a conflict avoider and run-awayer. Real mature, I know. But I think we’ve all realized after 27, no major personality changes are really going to happen.
All the mommy/family lovers I keep running into on the internet had me trying to reach out to my mother to help me figure out my life. I mean she chose to have me and has 30 years on me. Maybe she had some answers? Nope, same response – go to God.
Until a year or so ago, I thought when people said “God told me..” they actually heard God’s voice. When I asked Aunty MERJ about it to try to figure out why God doesn’t talk to me, she basically said when God told her to move to Florida it was her just seeing “signs” about Tampa. I don’t remember the exact signs, but they seemed pretty basic to me. I don’t believe in signs because I can interpret anything to make it go the way I want. I don’t think that’s God. That’s just me pursuing my desires. I miss the church of childhood!
I asked one of my recommenders to write me a character reference for the Spain program. He was uncomfortable writing a letter that I would have access to. Why is your comfort important here?
That’s it. I’m going back to bed. My favorite thing in America lately is my warm comfy bed. It’s soooo comfy!
P.S. My bible verse for the year: 2 Cor 12: 7-20
“So to keep me from becoming conceited…,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, …Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses… For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities..”