My Early Retirement Journey- #singlegirllife
Early Retirement Journey Listicles Summer 2018

A Bajillion Tiny Little Indisputable Facts About Life In Your 30s

Turning thirty was no surprise to many, but some of us still struggle. I got you. Here are a bajillion tiny little facts no one tells you about turning thirty. Share, comment, add your own.
A Bajillion Tiny Little Indisputable Facts About Life In Your 30s
    1. You ain’t got no friends.
    1. You go to the bathroom. Shower. You have to go to the bathroom again.
    1. Your “monthly gift” is heavier and crampier. It’s as if your body is cursing you for not being pregos.
    1. Every one has a baby. (See #3)
    1. Everyone has a husband.
    1. You know what pet day care is.
    1. You have pet insurance.
    1. As it turns out, you didn’t change the world nor are you the change you want to see in the world. Yes, your college essay was a lie.
    1. Work is a time-suck. Joie de vivreWhathat?
    1. Everything aches. Something new each week.
    2. Sometimes when you sneeze or cough it ends up being a kegel exercise.
    1. You stop losing weight without trying.
    1. No more birthday parties.
    1. Your family/life/friends/ the humans require a lot more effort to tolerate.
    1. You comparison shop for car insurance.
    2. You know what escrow is.
    1. You pay people to do things you used to do for free:
      1. Pet care
      1. Child care
      1. Hair care
      2. Waxing
      3. Nails
      4. Food delivery (e.g. groceries and take-out)
      5. Car care
    1. You know what matcha is.
    1. You’ve been a victim of petty larceny (e.g. stolen phone, credit card theft, hidden fees, unbundled cable, lunch from work fridge).
    2. You’ve worked 2 jobs and at one point called it a side hustle, passion project, or moonlighting.
    1. You know at least 2 people in your peer group that have married and are now divorced.
    1. You have more than 1 bank or financial institution.
    2. You’ve been hacked (e.g. email, Facebook, some online account).
    3. You don’t have a landline and haven’t for at least 15 years.
    1. You haven’t written a check in at least 6 months.
    1. You’ve made the life-changing decision to become something called a cord-cutter.
    2. You’ve used the phrase food-porn. (That’s not a thing.)

      My Early Retirement Journey - coffee in your 30s

       

    1. You’ve professed your love to coffee. And tried to quit cold turkey.
    2. You’ve used some sort of digestive aid in the last year.
    3. You refuse to admit you’ve signed up for at least 2 dating apps.
    4. You’ve quit at least one job because of a co-worker.
    5. You moved away for a new adventure only to move back to be closer to home.
    1. After your friend did it, you went ahead and got Lasik too.
    1. You’re on your second car.
    1. For vanity’s sake, you eat ice cream in a cup instead of a cone.
    1. You’ve paid $6 for a cupcake or doughnut and swore it was worth it! (Lies.)
    1. Your trendy friend tried to live abroad but soon returned to the luxuriously convenient life that is #America.
    2. Someone in your friend group (see #37) has traveled to Chiang Mai or Reykjavik.
    3. Last year, you went on a family cruise with your parents. 
    1. You’ve been to a chiropractor. 
    2. You watched Meg Jay’s Ted Talk “Why 30 is not the new 20” and were inspired for like a minute. Then you went back to your regularly scheduled binge watch du jour.  
    3. You can no longer eat cookies before bed or eat tomato sauce 3 days in a row or have some other odd food restriction.
    4. You now get carsick, airsick, or seasick when you didn’t before.
    5. You require some sort of accommodation at work just to do your job (e.g. wrist guard, back rest, butt cushion, insoles, sit-to-stand desk, back brace, aspirin).

You’ve imagined your life after leaving the workforce and it’s likely something you’ll be too old and haggard to do. (Hint: Follow/ Like/ Subscribe to My Early Retirement Journey to get tips and support on how to not make this your life.) Share your This is 30s moment!

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13 Comments

  1. Ah MERJ, you do have a way of viewing life. Love it. Just wait till you turn 50, the list will be ever longer but will definitely include: losing patience quickly, shouting at the TV news, moaning about social media and how the young of today spend far too long on it then secretly scrolling through Facebook to see what your younger relations are up to!

  2. Hehe… oh facebook… the wonder of all wonders. This has been my favorite post/listicle this month! Tell me what 50 is really like… it seems so close but yet so far … wait i def talk back to the TV…not the news though…

  3. Oh, I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise. To give you a taster – you will need tweezers to pluck your chin of the rogue hairs you start sprouting :-0

  4. Haha… oh no! Oh, meant to say thanks for blog-spiring me to seek out guest posts. Had let that fall to the wayside until i saw your scotch street and another one…can check that off my list!

  5. HOW ARE WE THE SAME PERSON?!?!

    Some notes, per point number
    1) Ain’t that the truth. All my former girlfriends are now “acquaintances” because a) ain’t nobody got time for besties b) I’m trying to become financially independent and DO NOT WANT TO GO ANYWHERE WITH $14 COCKTAILS c) who goes out on weeknights?? d) who stays out past 9pm?? e) those I knew who also live the #sweatpantlife got married and had babies

    28) This is the thorn in my side. Coffee is the elixir of life but I need to cut it out because of newfound thyroid issues, so that’s why I know what matcha is (17)

    31) I literally quit my last job because of next-level evil Jezebel coworker, and I’m super long-suffering so I cannot stress the level of evil

    39) Can’t make the cruise with mama ever happen because (43) I get seasick now. This is tough when your parents are immigrants from a country known for it’s many gorgeous islands!

    1. This comment made me laugh. I love it!
      1, yasss… i know right… where did they all go? no, seriously. where??
      hahah on the #sweatpantlife… i have to use that now. I was so looking forward to coming home today to put on sweatpants and stay in for the weekend for a cozy weekend of tv and nothingness… 🙂

      – tell me more about coffee and thyroid… i heart learning about the body and its innerconnectedness to our lifestyle choices…

      – yikes about your co-worker. my current ones are pretty ridiculous but i like my job more than i dislike them…

      – i feel bad i never did the cruise with my aunty because now she’s really sick but i get really sea sick. but that’s not to say she didn’t go crusing without me!

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! I enjoyed writing it immensely.. i forgot to add my bit about marathons… ugh, don’t get me started!

      1. By marathons, do you mean running marathons, or gradually not being friends with the type of people who run them? Because #sweatpantlife for me means the only marathons I watch are of a new netflix season I discover (which hasn’t happened since This is Us. Canadian Netflix is the pits).
        So thyroid hormones process themselves through the liver, so anything hard on the liver is doing your adrenal system a disservice. Coffee apparently is very hard on the liver, so my naturopath said it’s a no-go. Same with booze (but I cut booze out anyways a few months ago. I was never a boozehound but I’d enjoy a cocktail a small handful of times a month).
        I have a follow-up appointment on Saturday to go over my full thyroid protocol now that all my bloodwork results are in, so I’ll share if anything else new comes up!

        1. Running marathons. It took over my old friends’s FB profile for awhile. I don’t get it. It’s a foot race. You’ve been able to do that since you were two. That was along the lines of what I was going to add to the list. 🙂

          Are you on thyroid medicine? I can’t remember. Yes, I am curious to see what treatment plan you all settle upon. My co-worker who was newly diagnosed with Hashimoto i think eventually gave up the gluten free diet and ended up with thyroid medicine. Did you eyebrows fall off?

          1. p.s. open your comments on your blog past 14 days…. i had quite a few things to say 🙂
            Unless you really don’t like comments on old posts.

          2. Comments are always welcome! If I haven’t gotten to them yet it’s because I’m pretending to be working 🙂
            I see what you mean about the marathons and yep, I feel you. The constant posting is beyond obnoxious. All of us are out there doing things, should I also non-stop post about my course and homework and studying? No, because it’s obnoxious. I feel like the world needs a PSA that it’s ok to do a thing, and not need to show the world you did a thing.
            I don’t have Hashimoto’s, just run of the mill hypothyroidism, so thank goodness no hair loss. I’m still looking at natural ways to overcome it and ideally never have to take the medicine. My levels are still at a point where I still have the option. If it doesn’t work out, next stop is an animal-based hormone as opposed to synthetic hormone. Most people use pig-based but my naturopath likes sheep-based from NZ, as the standard for animals are much higher in NZ so the hormone would be from sheep not blasted with all sorts of factory-farming medicines that we’d find here. However I’m not sure I have to go down that road at all yet, as this is all still new.

          3. There’s no way to leave comments on your older posts. I was saying I think you have your settings to close comments after 14 days.

            Well I rather think you should post about all your courses. Start with registering, then snaps of the blood sweat and tears, and then the final grade! I’d watch 😉

            Well you’re adjusting well if you’re calling it “run of the mill.” I take it you are not a girl who’s afraid of a challenge – health or otherwise. Thyroid medicine is one of the top 100 prescriptions in the US (guessing similar in Canada), so you’ll find a community of support in no time.

  6. I didn’t even know this was an option! I think I’ll take a queue from you and use some “YouTube university” to teach me how to change the settings!
    Thanks for the reminder to find a support community for my thyroid; when I first started suspecting that was the case, I looked up some videos of others sharing their experiences and it made me feel so much more normal (especially when it came to the fatigue I was experiencing) compared to just being this weirdo that vegetates completely when she gets home. I’m going to try Reddit…
    As for the course, believe you me when I say it is the DRIEST material of all time. I should integrate how the studying does affect my spending, though. Getting isolated studying makes me prone to want to take a few minutes as a break just to browse online, and that leaves me open to some pretty heavy temptation.

    1. oo oo oo! pick me.
      As for opening comments: from WP dashboard > Settings> Discussion > Other comment settings.
      Well good luck with the course anyhow. At least it’s a finite amount of time. Sounds like a post in the making…

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